Reflections on Idiocy: an essay in one part.

Stuff of Life

Am I crazy? No, seriously. Am I? That's what I've been asking myself for the past few weeks as I've realized the immensity of the task before me in my Master's Degree. What kind of an idiot was I to think I could finish a Masters, including a thesis might I add, while raising three children four and under? That's what I've been wondering for the past while.

Needless to say, as evidenced above, the stress might finally be getting to me. You see, it was all fine and dandy before when I was taking courses where the professors said "Here. Read this and respond in 300 words by Friday." That was okay. They told me what to read, how to respond, and gave me a hard timeline to do it in. I'm good at external motivation.

Now I have to 1) figure out what articles to read by deciding if they a) address my topic, b) are quality research, and c) are important enough to include in a literature review, then 2) read the articles and reflect on them in some undefined way to be decided on by your truly, and 3) amass a number of related articles into some sort of coherent written format known as a "Literature Review". The ONLY external motivation i really have is a due date. 9 days from today. Rough draft "just to see what you've got so far" we've been told, but in my mind if it isn't essentially finished I'm going to look like the big turd who bribed someone to let her into grad studies.

And, to complain just a wee bit more, the other people in my course are all full time students. FULL TIME! None of them have small children at home. All of them sleep when they want, eat when they want, study when they want. Okay, I'm not bitter. They were smart. They thought "I should a) get this done before I start having kids or b) wait till the kids are out of the house before I start." But I am a little bit miffed that they have a bit of an advantage. And you know I can't handle being anything but the best, so this is just extra stress, because how can I possibly be better than people who have all day to immerse themselves in their learning.

I know, you're probably thinking "Hey dumb-dumb, if you weren't blogging you'd probably be better off than you are now." Okay. Point taken. I just had to let it all out. I'm off to find another highly engaging topically relevant article with which to woo my readers (all five of them - 3 committee, Jim and my mother.) Wish me luck. Or better yet, "say a little prayer for me."

Over and most definitely out!