An Open Letter to My Readers

(Weird) Stuff of Life Dear Blog Readers, I don't really know how to tell you this, but I dislike your eyelashes. I think I realized it when I saw the purple monkey in your car and I saw you drive over my corned beef hash. I'm sure you're man enough to understand I'm allergic to your earlobes. I'm returning your toe ring to you, but I'll keep your suicide note as a memory. You should also know that I told the psychiatrist about the bruises and the apartment building is on fire. Greetings to your frog, Leonard, Melanie Okay. If you think I inhaled something I shouldn't have, this is just a silly game similar to Madlibs, except the phrases are preselected to match ydifferent trait of yours (for example the fact that my shirt is black inserted "I dislike your eyelashes" into my little letter!) It's silly but somehow therapeudic at the same time. Try it! Simply copy this letter and fill in the blanks by answering the questions below... and if some of it is a wee bit crude feel free to adapt it, it wasn't my creation! And please, send me your version of this letter. Post it in comments and share the insanity! Dear (Friend) ,I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it ___2______3___ and I saw you___4___ ___5___. I'm sure you're___6___ enough to understand___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ and ___11___.___12___,then write your name here 1. What's the color of your shirt? Blue - Our romance is over Red - Our affair is over White – I’m joining the Convent Black - I dislike your eyelashes Green - Our socks don't match Grey - You're a pervert Yellow - I'm selling myself for candy Pink - Your nostrils are insulting Brown - The mafia wants you No shirt - You're mean Other - I'm in love with your cat 2. Which is your birth month? January - That night you picked your noseF ebruary - Last year when you peed your pants March - When your dwarf bit me April - When I tripped on peanut butter May - When I threw up in your sock drawer June - When you put cuffs on me July – When you smacked my ass August - When I saw the purple monkey September - When we skinny dipped in the bathtub October - When I quoted Forrest Gump November - When your dog humped my leg December - When I finally changed my underwear 3. Which food do you prefer? Tacos - In your apartment Lasagna- In your car Pasta - Outside of your office Hamburgers - Under the bus Salad – As you were eating Kraft Dinner Chicken - In your closet Kebab - With Jean Chrétien Fish - In a clown suit Sandwiches - At the Elton John concert Pizza - At the mental hospital Hot dog - Under a street light Other - With George Bush and Stephen Harper 4. What's the color of your socks? Yellow - Hit onRed - Insult Black - IgnoreBlue - Knock out Purple - Pour syrup on White - Carve your initials into Grey - Pull the clothes off Brown - Put whipped cream on Orange - Castrate Pink - Pull the pants off of Barefoot - Sit on Other - Drive over 5. What's the color of your underwear? Green - My boyfriend White - My father Grey – The Catholic Priest Brown – Your ‘My Little Pony’ collection Purple - My corned beef hash Red – My knee caps Blue - My salt-beef bucket Yellow - My illegitimate child in Ghana Orange - My Blink 182 cd Pink – The Montreal Canadian’s goalie None – My prized statue of Michael Jackson in the nude Other - The elephant in the corner 6. What do you prefer to watch on TV? Scrubs; Man O.C.; Emotional One Tree Hill; Open Heroes; Frostbitten Lost; High House; Sly Simpsons; Cowardly The news; Scarred Idol; Masochistic Family Guy; Senile Top Model; Middle-class Other; Ashamed 7. Your mood right now? Happy - How awful you are Sad - How boring you are Confused- That Santa doesn't exist Angry - That your smell makes me vomit Depressed – That we’re related Excited - That I may pee my pants Nervous - The Middle-East is planning their revenge on you Worried - That your Ford sucks Bored- That you need a sex-change Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your earlobes Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men Silly - That there is no solution to you being a dumbass Other - That your driving sucks 8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom? White - Your toe ringYellow - Your love letters to me Red - Your Elton John poster Black - Your pet Blue - The couch cushions Green - The pictures from Vegas Orange - Your false teeth Brown - Your nose hair clippers Grey - Our matching snoopy underwear Purple - Your old New Kids on the Block blanket Pink - The cut toenails Other - Your car 9. The first letter of your first name? A/B - Your photo with the moustache drawn on it C/D - The oil tank from your car E/F - Your neighbour’s dog G/H - My virginity I/J - The results of your blood-sample K/L - Your left ear M/N - Your suicide note O/P - My common sense Q/R - Your mom S/T - Your collection of butterflies U/V - Your criminal record W/X – Your glass eye Y/Z - Your credit cards 10. The last letter in your last name? A/B - Told my psychiatrist about the bruises C/D - Never will forget that night E/F - Always wanted to break your legs G/H – Hate your cooking I/J – Mocked you behind your back constantly K/L - Will tell the authorities that you did not steal that whale in the back yard M/N - Told in my confession today about the moose poaching O/P - Was interviewed about the car you stole Q/R - Always will remember the pep talks S/T - Get sick when I think of your feet U/V - Will try to forget that you broke my heart W/X - Haven’t showered in a month Y/Z – Am better off without you 11. What do you prefer to drink? Water- Our friendship is ruined Beer – You should stop picking your nose Flavored water – I’m off to lead a new life as a lemur Pepsi – I will haunt you when I’m incarnated as an Eskimo Milk - The apartment building is on fire Wine – Thanks for the cocaine Cider – I have a passionate interest for mice Juice – I love Oprah Winfrey Mineral water – You should get that embarrassing rash checked Hot chocolate – Your Cucumber-fetishism is weird Whiskey - You ruined my attempts at another world war Other – I'm scratching my ass as you read this 12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation? Thailand – Warm tingly sensations USA - Best of luck on the sex-change England - Good luck in jail Spain - Go drown yourself China – You make me sick Germany – Go milk a cow Japan - Please don't hurt me Greece - Your everlasting enemy Australia - Greetings to your frog, Leonard Egypt – Kiss my ass France – With tears of sadness